There are people who show us what we should be seeing,
people who tell us what we should be doing …
and there are people who show us the(their) possibilities of seeing.
B Boundaries – R Reliability – A Accountability – V Vault – I Integrity – N Nonjudgment – G Generosity
– B R A V I N G – Learning to trust means experiencing trust
– according to Brene Brown – the 7 elements of trust – after my clever internet had often shown me relationship topics such as “the rule of 3 – how to recognize who you can weed out of your life”, or ” 3 ,5 ,8 signs that you are not feeling well”, and the trending topic: Hosting, no Ghosting (I like hosting better because “Who else do I let live with me?”), Gaslighting was added and with narcissists I have I then thought, “Yes, the new zombies”… they are everywhere, could you be one too, become one? 😱
All very interesting topics, but the articles weren’t really helpful. The core statements were, typically psychological: name (characteristics) and put it in a box. Then you shouldn’t have to deal with it anymore.
Learning to trust means experiencing. BRAVING – according to Biene Brown – 7 elements – on which trust is based. Vera F. Birkenbihl has a similar philosophy
Corona has taught me an important thing for myself: to say it out loud and no longer just have the feeling: “THIS DOES NOT HELP ME!”
What helped me: learning to understand that the word help,
especially the “me”
and the “not” goes.
The “that” always exists and in all possible variants, as a person, situation, abstractly as thought(s), etc.
I very often lacked information that I received from Brene Brown and Vera F. Birkenbihl. The first was “me”.
That it’s about me, me personally. Who am I?
In depth: feeling. I am feeling very much.
And there it is, as the word suggests, about the feeling and about ME, how I feel.
There is no other person or situation involved yet through variables X and Y, Z .
Robert Gernhardt Once again: My body
My body tells me:
Take a break!
I say: I’ll do it
old house!
But think: Oh, him
can’t see it!
And write secretly
this poem.
Then my body says:
Well, well, well!
My good friend,
what are we doing?
Oh nothing! I say
startled,
and think: How did he
discovered that?
The question seems right
to be simple
but its simplicity
is only appearance.
She lets me since
no rest:
how does my body know
what i do
From: Collected Poems 1954-2006, p. 223 f.
Vera F Birkenbihl explains why this poem is so important and why the question is not simply answered:
the exoteric worldview: “…We look at the world and the looking has no influence, because we only look. We’re just realizing what’s happening has nothing to do with us… The world is full of idiots.idiots.dangers. And with our exoteric worldview, we can’t help it that the world is so bad…”
The esoteric worldview is confirmed by physics: “I am part of the world, what I do has an impact on the world. ”
Also the “look”. I can’t perceive neutrally.”
“Your perception determines the reality in which you then live. Unless you are a victim by profession, then your perception determines your reality. Can you keep croaking until the end of your life.”
Instead of assuming that something stupid will happen every day: just try to look differently 🙂
G Generosity – of the crumb poop in you
Happy Go Lucky Spongebob Kimmy Schmidt Style:
I assume (am generous with my assumption) that everyone thinks the best of me 😀 and acts accordingly.
Just as I generously think the best of others 😀 and meet them accordingly.
“Without expectation” is then no longer needed as an addition.
If I’m really in the YES!, – Inner participation to give something willingly and willingly 🙂 the expectations dissolve.
Generosity is… believing in myself, in my own time. Being generous in empathy is… What I don’t think is important may be important to someone else… admitting to myself that sometimes I still think something is important when it’s not important to me.
Many conflicts on the outside, are on the inside that are unrecognized (Point B Boundaries, only when I know who I am, what I like and don’t like = boundary do I know what, what thoughts/feelings are mine, and someone else’s is …where I would like to (still) adapt and therefore sort myself into myself…and therefore clinically with me, the part that doesn’t want that, that doesn’t want to be another person, but rather independently and if so, then with a person/something want to be.
…if I’ve made a mistake, then I can let go of the 5th degree…I can accept that something isn’t perfect and doesn’t seem right to me (which part of me exactly?). I can open my clenched hands and wiggle my fingers. The number 5 is an even number. Just now 🙂
And when I drop fives for other people, I give myself the opportunity to recognize that their supposedly clenched fists, swollen hands are from work and everyday life.
All this has nothing to do with the idea of “having to make a decision for or against the connection to a person”.
Because BRAVING is connection. The decision had already been made.
So if I’m NOT in #BRAVING right now:
Am I giving myself space? Time?
= Do I trust myself?
Which part of me is injured, or just knocked out and can’t and doesn’t want to trust right now and “want to have to make a decision”? The part wants rest, wants space, first only for itself 🙂 me. This has nothing to do with anyone else but myself.
Do I want to be in touch with myself at all right now, or do I really want someone else to show me trust…that I want to experience trust from another person. Am I just giving up responsibility? So: Am I trusting that I take myself seriously? What am I not forgiving? What can’t I forgive myself?
_ Who am I?
Who do I think I am? That I can’t forgive myself? – Where do I not accept my personality/my being? Where am I not being generous to myself?
“Very often we don’t notice how we’re doing because we have to do something else”
Not allowed, but must do
N Nonjudgment: Without judgment
Can I ask for help without having to overcome myself (without having to fight myself)? Without having to overcome myself, can I be okay with the fact that others need help?
I can communicate what I need and the other can communicate what he needs. We can talk together about how we’re doing, without the feeling of justification, of defence. I feel it’s: without judgement.
Am I able to support the other when they have made mistakes?
Can I accept help, ask for it when I’ve made mistakes?
Can I feel safe asking for help without worrying (generosity) that someone is judging me, thinking weird of me…I feel ashamed, that is, without judging me?
to repeat
Vera F Birkenbihl Pragmatic esotericism The small way to the big self
B Boundaries: the limits of oneself and the limits of others
There can only be clear boundaries if they are seen “clearly”. First your own, not only from the other person(s), but above all from yourself.
Recognizing limits and living with them = experiencing means: “You respect my limits and if you are not sure where they lie, you are willing to ask about them. You are willing to find out where your boundaries are with you/between us and you are willing to question them. You respect your boundaries and are willing to say “no” to myself and to others. I am willing to find out where my boundaries lie within me/between us and I am willing to question myself. I respect my boundaries and am willing to say “no” to myself and to others. I am willing to say “no” to myself when I feel that I am about to cross boundaries, that is: I am willing to say “no” to others when they are about to cross my boundaries,
and saying “No” “Stop!” to me when I’m about to push my limits.”
Limits can only be respected if you stand behind yourself and your limits, respect starts with yourself.
I am in my center, in my circle, in my space. If I leave this room myself and it’s behind me or next to me, and I just talk about it, but I’m standing next to me in other rooms, then that’s inauthentic. Unless, in that moment, I would name what is and say: “I stand beside myself.” (Then the other elements/values would take effect. See Non-judgmental – without evaluation.)
“Such content is considered authentic if both aspects of perception, immediate appearance and actual being, are found to match.” https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Authenticity “The word authenticity can be derived from the Greek “authentikos” infer and means genuine, unadulterated, or factual….” What is an authentic person? google
Definition of respect “… the ‘appreciative consideration of the value’ of something, usually denoting another person…” https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Respekt
An interesting aspect that I found at https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Estimation: “There is a correlation between esteem and self-esteem: People with high self-esteem often have an appreciative attitude towards others, are more often viewed by others valued, whereas people who tend towards active bullying often use it to compensate for a rather low level of self-confidence. …Appreciation given and received increases self-esteem in both the recipient and the giver….”
I Integrity = “Practice what you preach”
acting from a place of integrity (again the image of me and my space I am in)
One of the most common phrases I say when I’m really annoyed is: “…then don’t say that!.” I say it out of anger, desperation, disappointment, help – and powerlessness.